Managing Family Separation: How Parents Can Support Their Children

Separation and divorce can be a time of deep emotional upheaval for all family members, including children. In 2024 there were 47,216 divorces in Australia, with 48,432 children involved. This number may be higher as many separations happen outside the legal system and are not reflected in the data.

Angela Harbinson, CEO of The Separation Guide, explains:

“Divorce is just a piece of paper ... the separation is the hard part.”

If you are a parent experiencing separation, know that you are not alone and there are ways to help your children manage the emotional journey. Here are some key strategies to guide you.

Understanding Children’s Needs by Age

Primary-Aged Children

  • May blame themselves for the separation.
  • Need clear, simple explanations and lots of reassurance.
  • Thrive with consistent routines and structure.

Teenagers

  • Often seek control and independence.
  • May pull away from both parents or show rebellious behaviour.
  • Need space to express autonomy while learning about responsibility.

Protective Parenting Tips During Separation

These actions can make a difference in how children adjust:

  1. Keep Conflict Away From Kids
    • Children who witness intense parental conflict are more likely to experience long-term emotional impacts, sometimes across generations.
    • Strive for respectful communication, especially in front of children.
  2. Communicate Openly and Honestly
    • Use age-appropriate language to explain changes.
    • Encourage children to ask questions and share how they feel.
  3. Give Children a Voice (but Not the Burden)
    • Let them have input into small decisions (e.g. choosing a room setup or weekend activity).
    • Avoid placing them in the middle or asking them to choose between parents.
  4. Stay Connected
    • Maintain frequent, meaningful contact with both parents, even if living solely with one parent.
    • Both parents play an important role in a child’s wellbeing.
  5. Keep Expectations Age-Appropriate
    • Avoid giving adult responsibilities or emotional burdens. This includes avoiding detailed conversations about financial matters. It can be tempting to talk with your adolescent as you would with a friend; however, no matter how mature they seem, your child cannot provide the emotional support you may need.
    • Be patient with behavioural changes; they are often signs of emotional stress.

Extra Support Makes a Difference

You do not have to do this alone. There are resources and people ready to help.

At school, a wellbeing team is ready to support you and your child. Letting your child’s class teacher or Head of House know about changes in family circumstances allows staff to work with you and your child to put supports in place. School counsellors can provide additional support through these transitions. Teenagers often find it helpful to work with a counsellor as a neutral person to help balance independence with the reality of family changes while building on communication strengths.

Divorce or parent support groups can offer shared experiences and helpful advice. There are many online resources for parents, including:

Families come in all forms and there is no “perfect” model. What matters most is that children feel safe, loved and heard. Children can thrive following parent separation when parents work together to create a stable, supportive environment.

Mandy Barr, Joanne Devota-Rando and Sarah Quin
Counsellors