Being Aware of the Way We React to Our Child’s Emotions

Reacting too quickly to a child's emotions, whether it's to comfort, correct, or distract, can sometimes have unintended consequences. While being responsive is important, overreacting or immediately trying to "fix" things can get in the way of a child learning to understand, regulate, and express their feelings in healthy ways.

When your child is crying, how often do you find yourself saying, “Don’t cry! You’re fine,” or, when frustrated, you jump in and say, “Here, let me do it for you."

When your child expresses anger, you may raise your voice or redirect them without listening. I was recently emailed by a colleague referencing The Train Analogy. It made me stop and think how many times I jumped in wanting to save and fix my children’s fears, anxiety, and sadness.

Please read on below.

The "Train Analogy" for Kids

The analogy uses a train traveling through a tunnel as a metaphor for managing difficult emotion.
It helps children understand that feelings, like anger or sadness, are temporary and will pass, just like a train moving through a tunnel. The key is to allow children to experience the feeling fully, rather than trying to suppress or fix it immediately.

What it Represents

• The tunnel represents the difficult emotion a child is experiencing.
• The train represents the child's feelings and thoughts moving through that emotion.

Staying on the Platform: 
This is about acknowledging the feeling, validating it, and allowing the child to experience it without trying to stop it or change it immediately.

Letting the Train Pass: 
This means understanding that the feeling will eventually pass, and the child will come out of the emotional "tunnel" on the other side.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel: 
Represents the calm and peaceful feeling that comes after experiencing the difficult emotion.

How it Helps

• Validates Feelings - It helps children understand that it's okay to feel strong emotions, and that these feelings are normal.
• Teaches Emotional Regulation - It provides a framework for understanding that emotions, even intense ones, are temporary.
• Encourages Patience - It encourages parents and caregivers to be patient and supportive as children work through their emotions.
• Promotes Self-Awareness - It helps children develop self-awareness by noticing and understanding their own emotional states.
• Reduces Anxiety - By understanding that emotions pass, children may feel less anxious when experiencing difficult feelings according to Psychology Today.

Example:
If a child is crying because they dropped their ice cream, instead of immediately trying to fix the situation or tell them not to cry, you can say something like, "I see you're sad about your ice cream. It's okay to feel sad. The feeling is like a train going through a tunnel, and it will pass. Let's sit here together for a bit while the train goes through.

Mandy Barr, Joanne Devota-Rando and Sarah Quin
School Counsellors